October 25 – cautionary tales

cautionary tales
run and tell the king, again
sky falls, persevere

“I wore this frock coat in Washington, before the war. We wore them because we belonged to the five civilized tribes. We dressed ourselves up like Abraham Lincoln. We only got to see the Secretary of the Interior, and he said: “Boy! You boys sure look civilized.!” he congratulated us and gave us medals for looking so civilized. We told him about how our land had been stolen and our people were dying. When we finished he shook our hands and said, “endeavor to persevere!” They stood us in a line: John Jumper, Chili McIntosh, Buffalo Hump, Jim Buckmark, and me — I am Lone Watie. They took our pictures. And the newspapers said, “Indians vow to endeavor to persevere.” We thought about it for a long time, “Endeavor to persevere.” And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union.”

Lone Watie from the movie, The Outlaw Josey Wales

Driving to work and reviewing the week at large, my heart files with bitterness.

My soul is filled with bile.

Fed up.

Not going to take it anymore.

Just plain angry with humans and lack of humanity.

I sit down and power up my computers and the radio from London is playing Beethoven’s Violin Concerto. (Violin concerto in D major, Opus 61).

Faith, maybe not reborn or rekindled but somewhat tempered.

There yet are reasons to stand.

Persevere.

October 5 – was kind of solemn

was kind of solemn
laying back looking at stars
not one thing happened

From Huckleberry Finn;

“We catched fish, and talked, and we took a swim now and then to keep off sleepiness. It was kind of solemn, drifting down the big still river, laying on our backs looking up at the stars, and we didn’t ever feel like talking loud, and it warn’t often that we laughed, only a kind of low chuckle. We had mighty good weather, as a general thing, and nothing ever happened to us at all, that night, nor the next, nor the next.”

― Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Saturday morning and I should be enjoying a sleep in.

Of late, I find I enjoy getting up and having my coffee in the quiet of the morning.

It is kind of solemn, sitting in the quiet, drinking coffee, looking out the windows as nothing happens.

I start the think.

The waves I watched this summer.

The tide coming in.

The change of seasons.

Mankind’s mark on history.

Back in college, one of my classes was given a behind the scenes tour of the Gerald Ford Library in Ann Arbor.

The curator was holding a book the size of the D volume of the World Book Encyclopedia.

It was the MINUTE-BY-MINUTE log of ONE DAY in the Ford Presidency.

Ford was President for 895 days.

895 daily logs.

Possibly the most complete accounting of any life of any one one earth.

But did it record Ford’s thoughts?

What he had for lunch?

At some point did he have to search for a pencil and open a desk drawer and lost his train of thought when he came across something else in the drawer?

And how many people get to be President?

Winston Churchill’s OFFICAL biography runs to 9 volumes and 4 volumes of letters and documents.

Here is the point.

How complete is the written record?

On quiet mornings, when I consider the number of documents, articles, books, histories and memoirs that cover the human existence against what really went on.

Mankind’s mark on history.

I would have to say, not a thing happened.

October 4 – phone rings, 4AM

phone rings, 4AM
still asleep, all websites down
way to wake up fast

Once a month or so, I take my turn being ‘on call’ to take overnight support calls if stations have problems.

And call they do.

With 40+ websites at TV Stations affiliated with 4 different networks in 4 different time zones, something can always go wrong.

It can be a problem with just one website.

Problem: I can’t get into our website
Answer: Have you tried to switch your computer off then on?

It can be a regional problem impacting several sites.

Problem: We can’t get into our websites
Answer: Have you tried to switch your computer off then on?

It can be server farm issues that impacts the eastern half or the western half of the company.

Problem: Everyone on the west coast can’t get into their websites
Answer: Have they tried to switch their computers off then on?

And it can be, once in awhile, a problem that takes all the websites offline.

Down.

Crashed.

404, not found.

In the words of the immortal Buster Scruggs, The San Saba Songbird , ‘That ain’t good’.

When that happens, the problem is not ‘what can I do to fix this’ but ‘who am I going to have to wake up to fix this.’

I will say this.

The words, ‘all sites are down’ sure wakes you up fast.

September 26 – swimming to the top

swimming to the top
I wake up underwater
break surface and breathe

Daily battle to wake up.

Struggle to the surface, forcing my way out of the depths of sleep.

Claw my way.

Kicking.

Break through the water and into a gray day and fight to stay a float.

Or.

Hands together above my head.

Fingers pointing straight.

Body twists as my legs flex and feet paddle.

Knifing through the water.

I porpoise out of the water.

Into the sunshine.

Water drops dazzle like diamonds.

Hand closes into a fist raised over my head.

“NOT TODAY!”, I shout.

To nobody but myself.

(NOTE* I was listening to the radio as I typed this. By chance, Richard Strauss’s Sunrise from Thus Spoke Zarathustra (1896) was playing on the radio. Unexpected moments like this are the Oreo’s in your lunch bag that someone else put in there for you.)

September 16 – I did not pass go

I did not pass go
my morning routine all off
don’t want my next throw

Right out of bed, a problem was brought to my attention at one of our TV stations.

I knew if I started working on the problem my morning routine of shower, coffee, come to life, would be interrupted and I would be out of sorts the rest of the day.

I guess everything about my routine can change up to the time I am out the door.

If I am late, then on my commute I am dealing with school buses.

Stop, start, wait, wait, wait and then I am late onto my start on I85 or the big wait.

I managed the problem but then I was slurping coffee, cutting corners on the rest of my ‘come to life’ time.

I got out of the house on time and even to work with an acceptable trip time.

But I have yet to come to life.

I did not pass go.

I did not get $200

I did NOT go to jail, but I feel that there is a game board of developed properties with nothing but Hotels waiting for me today.

I do not want to make my next throw.

I really do not even want to play.

My routine is off.

Please wake up you doofus.

Yawn, yawn, yawning.

Need a nap.

Is it 5PM yet?