1.26.2020 – You can’t get that back

You can’t get that back
You don’t get a do-over
You get that one shot

In the valley of decision.

Speeding down the middle of the valley

I will turn 60 years old this year on my birthday in July.

It is like a billboard across that freeway in the valley of decision.

Coming up fast.

And written on it is:

you can’t get that back
You don’t get a do-over
You get that one shot

Much is going to change this year.

I can worry about all the changes all I want.

Worry is free.

What I want is to be worry free.

I try to hang my hat on what Jesus said, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I can do pretty good during the day.

But it is at night.

At night in bed when all and everything piles up like a jenga tower in my brain, just waiting to tip as soon as I make the wrong decision and pull out the wrong block.

And it all comes tumbling down.

Who could sleep with that on their mind.

Today’s Haiku comes from a story about one-time Detroit Lions General Manager, Martin Mayhew. (Ex-Lions GM Martin Mayhew knows he blew it: ‘I wish I would have taken Aaron Donald’)

Talking about decisions he made as the Lion’s GM, Mayhew said, ““It’s like anything else in this game,” Mayhew said. “If you’re the defensive coordinator and you call a blitz at the wrong time and you give that touchdown up and lose the game, you can’t get that back. You don’t get a do-over. You get one shot. If you’re the corner and you get beat for the winning touchdown, you got to live with that (and learn from it). If you’re the quarterback and you throw a pick-six in the fourth quarter with an opportunity to win it, you got to live with that.”

My decisions are not made in the public eye like Mr. Mayhew’s decisions.

But my decisions can impact a lot of people.

People I love.

I think I have more pressure on me than Mr. Mayhew.

I get one shot.

I do not get a do over.

I get that.

I can live with that.

As someone who has accepted the gift of grace through Jesus Christ, I can die with that.

I just wish I could sleep with that.

1.25.2020 – Saturday Morning

Saturday Morning
someone set alarm last night
Need big bounce today

My Saturday started at the weekday time of 5:15AM because SOMEONE set the alarm on my bedside clock last night.

Half awake, less than half asleep I grappled with consciousness to get close enough to the surface to understand what was going on and I swatted at the clock and the alarm stopped.

I whispered a sorry to my wife.

Then tried to swim back under the surface of sleep.

The alarm went off again five minutes later.

I had hit the snooze button.

I hit the snooze button so hard I knocked the clock off of the beside table to the floor behind the bed.

Now the alarm was really going.

Growing louder and more shrill.

Out of bed and on the floor, searching for the clock, saying words my Mother never taught me, I finally got the alarm off.

But boy, was I awake.

I apologized again to my wife and got back in bed.

Bemoaning the awful truth that my Saturday lie in was over.

My thoughts turned to coffee.

Coffee and breakfast.

We had Korean Chicken take out last night.

Unexpectedly I really enjoyed the pickled radishes.

There were leftovers in the fridge.

Sometimes a cold piece of chicken with my coffee is just what I want for breakfast.

At this moment, I could smell the coffee and taste the spicy chicken.

I slid out bed and went downstairs.

There was my Son.

There was my Son surrounded by the plastic containers that I had used to pack up the leftover chicken the night before.

The empty containers.

Bit my lip and made coffee.

Soon I was sitting down with a big mug of blessedness with my iPad, I set out to enjoy what I could of my morning.

My son called out, “I have to be at dance early this morning. I told Mom.”

No one told me.

We would be leaving in about 10 minutes.

So much for a quiet coffee time.

What was left of my Saturday Morning was now a black cloud over my head.

I looked like that emoji of the face with the head exploding.

I needed a bounce this morning.

I would need a BIG bounce.

Dressed and in the car, I was negotiating with Saturday Morning traffic on I85.

I connected my phone to the car radio and Siri told me that music playing, all songs, shuffled.

First up this morning was Someone to Love by Queen.

I grew up with Queen.

Not that I really noticed.

I wouldn’t call Queen the soundtrack of my life.

But they were always there playing in the background.

Recently watched the movie Bohemian Rhapsody and I was struck but how many of their songs I knew.

And knew well enough to sing along with.

And if you know Queen, it is music you sing along with at the top of your longs.

It was good music.

It was music that made you feel good.

At this moment of my life, it was possibly the best song I could have heard, of ALL songs, to get a bounce to my day.

A BIG bounce.

I laughed a lot as I listened.

It is a good song.

It is a song that makes you feel good.

The trip to the dance studio went by quickly.

I pulled into the driveway as the song came to an end.

I came to a stop and my son got out.

He paused with the door open and looked at me.

“Did you have to play that SO LOUD?”

1.24.2020 – morning traffic woes

morning traffic woes
plenty of warnings, had to
see it for myself

The TV station where I work puts a lot of effort into their traffic reports.

All the local media invest heavily in traffic reporting.

Traffic problems consistently rank as the one universal issue that interest all voters in the Atlanta area.

I myself get traffic alert emails every day, through out the day.

I have two traffic apps on my handheld device.

This morning, like most mornings, I ignored all it.

Backed out of the garage and made sure my iPhone was on and connected to the car’s audio system so I could listen to an audio book.

I made my way over rainy streets to get to my entrance to i85 and the drive downtown.

At one point, I drive on a back road that parallels the freeway.

Through the leafless trees I noticed something odd.

The freeway was empty.

At 6AM this wasn’t, well, impossible but highly unlikely that no one else was out driving.

Further along the road I could make out the bridge and intersection where my entrance ramp was located.

Rarely had I seen so many flashing blue lights.

“This is not good,” I said to myself.

But maybe this is all just to the north of my entrance, I thought.

Maybe I can still get on the freeway.

I turned on to Lawrenceville-Suwanee Road.

Just ahead, cop cars lined the overpass and the entrance to I85 was blocked off.

Great.

Just GREAT.

I continued down Lawrenceville-Suwanee Road and switched the radio on in time to hear, “RED ALERT in GWINNETT COUNTY. I85 at Lawrenceville-Suwanee Road completely closed for an investigation of an accident …”

I switched off the radio and made a quick assessment of my situation.

Made a u turn and back tracked across the overpass.

I headed for the next freeway interchange at Old Peachtree and was on my way downtown without much more than a brief hiccup to my commute.

In fact, once on the freeway, with all the traffic north of me cut off, I had a very easy, if rainy drive.

I was shocked to see evidence that most of the morning traffic that I have to contend with on I85 seems to come from places further away from Atlanta than I am.

What could have been a commuting nightmare did not happen.

I am convinced that no app would have recommended I make the turn that I made.

Traffic for me, in that wonderful phrase that is the motto of traffic down here, was able to “KEEP MOVING.”

I had all the traffic tools available to me.

I had all the traffic warnings available to me.

I didn’t make use of any of them.

Here is the point.

Had I watched TV.

Had I listened to the Radio.

Had I read my emails.

Had I checked my apps.

I would still have made the same drive to my usual freeway entrance.

I would still have had to see the problem for myself.

It isn’t that I don’t believe the reporting.

But maybe, I just don’t trust it.

The reporting is, “passionate, but does not persuade,” to quote the Emperor in Amadeus.

I have had as many success stories using traffic tools as stories where I end up saying, WHY DID THEY DIRECT ME THERE?

As most of my issues with traffic are anxiety related, just knowing there are problems and why there are problems is the information I need.

Once I get going, I will let traffic do its worst.

And I will do my best.

1.23.2020 – one haiku a day

one haiku a day
three hundred sixty five days
keeps doctor away

WordPress says I have made 365 posts to my blog, No Haiku for You.

When this started, I had no idea I would keep at for a year.

I had no idea how much I would come to enjoy it.

Even look forward to it.

It is how I start my day.

It is how I go through my day.

Ask my wife how many times I hear a phrase or comment and say ‘There is a haiku there.”

I carry a notebook to write these thoughts down.

As I read, I take note of words, combinations of words, use of language and the odd old quote.

Words that show that, “Words of the world are the life of the world,” as I quoted Brendan Gill on Wallace Stevens.

I reproduce, rewrite, repurpose those words and thoughts in 17 syllables.

Are they real Haiku?

Do they follow the rules of Haiku?

Can the rules of Haiku be adhered to using the English Language?

Well, you have me there.

I don’t know.

Seems like I was taught somewhere back in grade school that a haiku was a 5 – 7 – 5 syllable expression of thoughts and that is good enough for me.

If someone reads or comments on my thoughts so much the better.

It has been therapeutic for me regardless.

My psychiatrist.

My confessional.

My outlet.

So there you are.

1.22.2020 – injured innocence

injured innocence
element of genuine
incomprehension

What?

Who?

Me?

When was compassion removed from this world?

In the Holiday classic, a Charlie Brown Christmas, Charlie Brown expresses his feelings over the list of requested items in his little sister’s letter to Santa.

In response, Sally Brown, the little sister, exclaims with injured innocence and an element of genuine incomprehension, “All I want is what I … I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.”

Left unsaid is, “What’s wrong with that?”

Watching the news.

Reading the papers.

Surfing online and seeing intolerance.

Not on your life.

Don’t tread on me!

So many stories and viewpoints are easier to understand when I realize the people in the stories and with the viewpoints are stating their opinions with injured innocence and an element of genuine incomprehension.

Their look, their words, even their posture, says that all they want is their fair share.

What’s wrong with that?

All they may want is their fair share.

But something tells me.

Maybe it’s something I hope.

Maybe it’s something I fear for them.

Maybe it’s something I fear for myself.

I am in that boat with all the people I read about.

And I fear, that they, and I, will get what is coming to us.