4.3.2020 – Weary to my bed

Weary to my bed
Begin a journey in my head
I find no quiet

I am working from home and lucky to be working from home.

No driving.

Actually been days since I drove anywhere.

I am working.

I get tired, very tired.

With all that is going on, weary is such a perfect word.

Bedtime comes, I read in bed for a minute and the eyes start to close.

And off to the land of Nod.

At least for a bit.

At some point in the night, I wake up.

I am not moving but my brain is speeding at a bazillion miles an hour.

At that awful hour of 3AM.

Ray Bradbury has been there.

In Something Wicked This Way Comes, Mr. Bradbury writes, “Oh God, midnight’s not bad, you wake and go back to sleep, one or two’s not bad, you toss but sleep again. Five or six in the morning, there’s hope, for dawn’s just under the horizon. But three, now, Christ, three A.M.! Doctors say the body’s at low tide then. The soul is out. The blood moves slow. You’re the nearest to dead you’ll ever be save dying. Sleep is a patch of death, but three in the morn, full wide-eyed staring, is living death! You dream with your eyes open.”

Hemingway writes of his mind and being able to choke it so he could sleep.

Not that I dare put myself in the same boat with Mr. Hemingway or Mr. Bradury, but that they are in the boat with me where we say “To work my mind, when body’s work’s expired“, as Mr. Shakespear put it.

Because Big Bill is also in the boat with us.

Big Bill lived and worked 300 years ago and was plagued with the sleepless nights and the overactive mind.

In his Sonnet XXVII, he writes;
Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;
But then begins a journey in my head,
To work my mind, when body’s work’s expired:
For then my thoughts, from far where I abide,
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
Looking on darkness which the blind do see
Save that my soul’s imaginary sight
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,
Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night,
Makes black night beauteous and her old face new.
Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,
For thee and for myself no quiet find.

All of us in the boat together.

All of us asking where is sleep.

It would take someone as wise as Solomon to answer.

Lucky for me, Solomon did.

In Proverbs, Solomon writes, “When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.”

What is the secret to this sweet sleep?

“Do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion.” (Proverbs 3:19-21 NIV)

Wisdom.

Understanding.

Sound judgement.

Discretion.

Easy.

No problem.

And I thought toilet paper was in short supply.

3.27.2020 – what happened today

what happened today
happened yesterday and will
happen tomorrow

The sameness of everyday.

It is Friday.

The day I wear blue jeans and cowboy boots to work.

The day before the weekend.

The day before I get to sleep in.

At least, it used to be.

I got up.

I got coffee.

I got my morning reading in.

I got to work in our back room.

End of the 2nd week of working at home.

In the book, The Caine Mutiny, by Herman Wouk, the part that takes place in late 1944 comes to mind.

Wouk writes, “The ship’s life remained a static vexatious weariness.”

“August dragged and dragged and expired into September.”

I am stuck.

Don’t get me wrong.

I do appreciate that I do have a job and I am working and getting paid.

But to be stuck.

Stuck without an end in sight.

Stuck in a never ending of newscycle of wash your hands.

Stuck in an ever shrinking world of staying at home, mandatory curfews and quarantines.

Who has had the flu.

Who has the flu,

Who will get the flu.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know and I know and I get it.

Stuck in a static vexatious weariness.

Such perfect words.

3.24.2020 – You’ll say to yourself

You’ll say to yourself
scared of life, more of dying
life at any price

Sitting this morning drinking coffee, listen to my neighborhood come awake.

The loudest noise was birdsong.

Brown Thrashers, Cardinals, maybe red wing blackbirds.

Then the garbageman.

It was early for the garbageman but I had read that that job was a little easier as traffic was so sparse in the mornings.

I listened to the noise of the garbageman and I said to myself, “The Garbageman cometh.”

Which made me say out loud, “The Iceman cometh.”

My next thought was of the NBA great George Gervin who was nicknamed, “The Iceman”.

Whenever his team, the San Antonio Spurs, played on TV, the announcers would say, “The Iceman Cometh.”

As I sat this morning with all this going through my head, I realized I had no idea what the “The Iceman Cometh” was.

In the back of my mind I was pretty sure it was a play.

It was up in my memory down the same hallway with “Death of Salesman” so maybe it was by Arthur Miller.

I did the google and found out it’s a Eugene O’Neil play.

The play, “The Iceman Cometh” is something I have never read.

I scanned the wikipedia article on Iceman Cometh.

I read some of the lines of the play.

I took the lines of today’s Haiku from one of lines.

Words from yesterday still have messages for today.

Mr. O’Neil is someone I have never read.

Maybe it is time I did.

3.22.2020 – opportunity

opportunity
do something not do nothing
make a difference

My wife and I tried to make Saturday as normal as possible.

I was feeling blue as we had tickets to the Atlanta Symphony concert for that night but it had been postponed.

The tickets were a Christmas gift from my wife.

It would have been our first time of going out on the town in downtown ATL in a long long time.

Something that was incredibly thoughtful of my wife.

Something I had been looking forward too since Christmas.

I don’t think I have to say that the concert has been ‘postponed.’

We went for a walk in one of favorite parks.

We stopped at our favorite local coffee shop.

I ordered my favorite cup of coffee, the Ho-Chi-Minh-City, a Vietnamese drink of expresso, sweetened condensed milk and steamed milk.

My wife asked about the Pumpkin Spice Latte listed as a special and the kid behind the counter said, “It is very good. I came up with the recipe.”

While we were waiting the phone rang and we listened in to one side of the conversation that went like this.

“Yes, we are open.”

“Yes, our menu is available.”

“No, sorry, no eating in, the dining area is closed.”

“Sorry, Ma’am, but there isn’t a restaurant that is open for dining in Suwanee.”

He hung up and looked at us and we shook our heads and laughed.

Then another couple came in, new to Cafe Amica.

The kid asked if they wanted to order and they asked for a minute to look at the menu.

‘Ho-Chi_Minh-City ….. hmmmmm,” said the guy looking at the menu.

I couldn’t stop myself.

Following social distancing guidelines, I leaned and said, “that is the best cup of coffee in Gwinnett County. It is what I always order here.”

We all laughed together and my wife chimed in to say, “That’s true, he won’t try any of the other drinks,”

I then quoted Bogart in Casablanca and said, “I stick my neck out for nobody but I will for this.”

The couple looked at each other and laughed and ordered the Ho-Chi-Minh.

We got out coffees and said our goodbyes and went out the Towncenter Park.

The park is a great place to walk.

It is made up of a oval green space with intersecting circles of sidewalks and a perimeter sidewalk.

The green space was filled with families with footballs, soccer balls, frisbies and kites.

The sidewalks were filled with walkers, runners and bikes.

Signs lined the sidewalks asking everyone to follow social distancing guidelines and we did.

Walking the perimeter we passed the couple from the coffee shop and they raised their coffee cups and smiled and said the coffee was great and we smiled and went on our way.

It was almost normal.

We felt better.

Thinking over this I was struck by this passage in an article I read online.

Active coping is vital. “Trying to do something rather than doing nothing is extremely important for resilience. This is a real opportunity, and we need to recognise it as such. And don’t forget that coronavirus isn’t the only thing that’s contagious: happiness is contagious too, as well as fear. If you go outside, smile at people. Be really friendly. It can and will make a huge difference.*

In the little bit I have been out and about I am happy to report that the people where I live HAVE BEEN friendly.

And from my personal experience, I can say it does make a huge difference.

3.20.2020 – Like breathing out, in

Like breathing out, in
I’ve grown accustomed to the race
makes the day begin

I get up.

The coffee is ready.

Read my Bible.

Read the morning papers.

Drink my coffee.

Then it is off to work.

And I work into our back room.

No morning commute.

No speeding cars.

No trucks.

No cop cars.

No traffic.

No available minutes to sort out my life.

No time to question the great questions.

No audio book.

No music to pass the time.

Like breathing out and in.

After 10 years.

52 weeks a year.

5 days a week.

1 and a half hours a day.

I have spent 162 days on I85.

The drive that makes the day begin.

I don’t miss it.

I don’t miss it one bit.

But it was a big part of something that has gone missing.

Have I grown accustomed to the race?

But I’m so used to hear her say
“Good morning” every day

Her joys, her woes
Her highs, her lows

Are second nature to me now
Like breathing out and breathing in

I’m very grateful she’s a woman
And so easy to forget

Rather like a habit
One can always break

And yet I’ve grown accustomed to the trace

Of something in the air
Accustomed to her face

From I’ve Grown Accustomed To Her Face in the musical, My Fair Lady.