September 24 – Fate keeps taking me

Fate keeps taking me
places do not want to go
stranger is myself

I stole the lines, ‘Fate keeps taking me, places do not want to go,’ from a preview of the TV Show, Lodge 49.

Describing me, my life right now, too well to be ignored, I shamelessly took the line.

‘Gaed a Wyrd Swa Hio Scel’ it says in Beowulf, or, ‘Fate goes ever as she shall

The older I get, the further I seem to move away from what is familiar and comfortable.

Who I am is a stranger to myself.

Who this person is, is still me.

I am comfortable and familiar with that.

September 23 – Fall’s first days? Not here!

Fall’s first days? Not here!
90 degree days for weeks
no frosty pumpkins

Hotlanta (oh wait, media is forbidden to use that term) usually has 37 ninety-degree-plus days per year.

In 2019, there are have already been 79.

Hoping for some relief to this heat fatigue, I look forward to fall.

My mind has turned to pot roast, pies and other eatables that use the oven.

Looking forward however, the march of ninety-degree-plus days continues.

Comfort food on hold while the air conditioning stays on to keep us comfortable.

September 21 – in my brain, twisted

in my brain, twisted
tangled wire coat hangers, sharp
spinning, endlessly

Big part of my weekend is the opportunity to sleep in.

If lucky, I can stay in bed to 8AM instead of my weekday 5:15AM.

I look forward to that a lot.

Maybe too much.

Last night, restless leg woke me with a sharp stick.

My head was pounding.

My brain was racing, flashing pictures and bits of movies and scenes from my life like the tunnel ride in Willy Wonka.

Somehow my nose and my throat are also plugged up.

Disoriented, confused, I rolled over to look at the clock.

12.37AM

My heart sank.

So much for a night’s rest and a lay in.

Sleep would now come in short blurps.

Succession of drinks of water, cough drops and trips downstairs to ‘read for a bit to clear my head’ and the drags on.

My mind would keep moving, racing, spinning, twisting.

Like a tangle pile of wire coat hangers.

Unable to be untangled and full of sharp points.

I give up, get up and make coffee to get some caffeine in my system.

Don’t ask me why, but it moments like this, it calms down the system a bit.

Saturday morning and 3 cups of coffee and my mind has slowed down but my brain feels like its filled with styrofoam.

Precious sleep.

Refreshing sleep.

How I covet this seemingly simple gift.

September 20 – AJC part time

AJC part time
packaging associate positions
once were paper boys

Today in the AJC, or the Atlanta Journal-Constitution newspaper, there was a job posting for part time packaging associates.

When I grew up in Grand Rapids, Michigan, my father subscribed to both the Detroit Free Press for the morning and The Grand Rapids Press in the evening and both were delivered by paper boys with paper routes.

Made the news, somehow, more human.

Can’t wrap fish in yesterday’s website.

September 18 – moment beyond words

moment beyond words
Grand daughter and James Thurber
being read to me

After saying it was a moment beyond words, I am going to try and put my feelings into words.

Very inadequate words.

I asked my Grand Daughter if she wanted a story before bedtime and I picked up my copy of Thurber Carnival and found the fable, The Moth and Star.

Azaria said she would like a story but she grabbed the book and read to me.

My first grade grand daughter, working her way through James Thurber, sounding out the words like ‘impressionable’ and ‘singed’. pausing to look up to me for the occasional definition, was such stuff as dreams are made from.

My hope for the today is that everyone, anyone should have such a moment in their life.

The Moth and the Star

A young and impressionable moth once set his heart on a certain star. He told his mother about this and she counseled him to set his heart on a bridge lamp instead. “Stars aren’t the thing to hang around,” she said; “lamps are the thing to hang around.” “You get somewhere that way,” said the moth’s father. “You don’t get anywhere chasing stars.” But the moth would not heed the words of either parent. Every evening at dusk when the star came out he would start flying toward it and every morning at dawn he would crawl back home worn out with his vain endeavor. One day his father said to him, “You haven’t burned a wing in months, boy, and it looks to me as if you were never going to. All your brothers have been badly burned flying around street lamps and all your sisters have been terribly singed flying around house lamps. Come on, now, get out of here and get yourself scorched! A big strapping moth like you without a mark on him!”

The moth left his father’s house, but he would not fly around street lamps and he would not fly around house lamps. He went right on trying to reach the star, which was four and one-third light years, or twenty-five trillion miles, away. The moth thought it was just caught up in the top branches of an elm. He never did reach the star, but he went right on trying, night after night, and when he was a very, very old moth he began to think that he really had reached the star and he went around saying so. This gave him a deep and lasting pleasure, and he lived to a great old age. His parents and his brothers and his sisters had all been burned to death when they were quite young.

Moral: Who flies afar from the sphere of our sorrow is here today and here tomorrow.

from Further fables for our time by James Thurber, New York : Simon and Schuster, 1956.