9.13.2023 – could do anything

could do anything
wanted to do but found there
was nothing to do

Live oaks and Spanish Moss – over the ancient shell ring on Hilton Head island …

Now the standard cure for one who is sunk is to consider — those in actual destitution or physical suffering — this is an all-weather beatitude for gloom in general and fairly salutary day-time advice for everyone.

But at three o’clock in — the morning, a forgotten package has the same tragic importance as a death sentence, and the cure doesn’t work — ; and in a real dark night of the soul it is always three o’clock in the morning, day after day.

At that hour the tendency is — to refuse to face things as long as possible by retiring into — an infantile dream — but one is continually startled out of this by various contacts with the world.

One meets these occasions as quickly and carelessly as possible and retires once more back into the dream, hoping that things will adjust themselves by some great material or spiritual bonanza.

But as the withdrawal persists there is less and less chance of the bonanza — one is not waiting for the fade-out of a single sorrow, but rather being an unwilling witness of an execution, the disintegration of one’s own personality …

So there was not an ‘I’ any more — not a basis on which I could organize my self-respect — save my limitless capacity for toil that it seemed I possessed no more.

It was strange to have no self — to be like a little boy left alone in a big house, who knew that now he could do anything he wanted to do, but found that there was nothing that he wanted to do –

And in a real dark night of the soul it is always three o’clock in the morning, day after day.

As Big Bill put it, tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time.

(From The crack-up with other pieces and stories, by F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1945, James Laughlin, New York.)


9.12.2023 – its own nodule

its own nodule
of permanent rage at the
root of consciousness

The death of his sister at nineteen in an auto crash with his father was still unacceptable fifty years later.

It had created its own nodule of permanent rage at the roots of his consciousness. It was ultimately the cause of his becoming a writer.

If this can happen to those you love you may as well follow your heart’s wishes in your time on earth.

So writes Jim Harrison in short story The Ancient Minstrel published in the book by the same name, The Ancient Minstrel, Grove Press: (2017).

created its own nodule of permanent rage at the roots of his consciousness may be one of the most honest lines of words in the English language.

So many of us have a nodule of permanent rage at the roots of our consciousness.

But how many of us can pin the source of the rage down.

Mr. Thoreau described it as a life of quiet desperation.

But Mr. Thurber pointed out that most of us live lives of noisy desperation as well.

Enraged, infuriated, beside himself, seeing red and thinking black, creating its own nodule of permanent rage at the roots of his consciousness.

The Grizzly and the Gadgets

A grizzly bear who had been on a bender for several weeks following a Christmas party in his home at which his brother-in-law had set the Christmas tree on fire, his children had driven the family car through the front door and out the back, and all the attractive female bears had gone into hibernation before sunset returned home prepared to forgive, and live and let live. He found, to his mild annoyance, that the doorbell had been replaced by an ornamental knocker. When he lifted the knocker, he was startled to hear it play two bars of “Silent Night.”

When nobody answered his knock, he turned the doorknob, which said “Happy New Year” in a metallic voice, and a two-tone gong rang “Hello” somewhere deep within the house.

He called to his mate, who was always the first to lay the old aside, as well as the first by whom the new was tried, and got no answer. This was because the walls of his house had been soundproofed by a soundproofer who had soundproofed them so well nobody could hear anybody say anything six feet away. Inside the living room the grizzly bear turned on the light switch, and the lights went on all right, but the turning of the switch had also released an odor of pine cones, which this particular bear had always found offensive. The head of the house, now becoming almost as angry as he had been on Christmas Day, sank into an easy chair and began bouncing up and down and up and down, for it was a brand-new contraption called “Sitpretty” which made you bounce up and down and up and down when you sat on it. Now thoroughly exasperated, the bear jumped up from the chair and began searching for a cigarette. He found a cigarette box, a new-fangled cigarette box he had never seen before, which was made of metal and plastic in the shape of a castle, complete with portal and drawbridge and tower. The trouble was that the bear couldn’t get the thing open. Then he made out, in tiny raised letters on the portal, a legend in rhyme: “You can have a cigarette on me If you can find the castle key.” The bear could not find the castle key, and he threw the trick cigarette box through a windowpane out into the front yard, letting in a blast of cold air, and he howled when it hit the back of his neck. He was a little mollified when he found that he had a cigar in his pocket, but no matches, and so he began looking around the living room for a matchbox. At last he saw one on a shelf. There were matches in it, all right, but no scratching surface on which to scratch them. On the bottom of the box, however, there was a neat legend explaining this lack. The message on the box read: “Safety safety matches are doubly safe because there is no dangerous dangerous sandpaper surface to scratch them on. Strike them on a windowpane or on the seat of your pants.”

Enraged, infuriated, beside himself, seeing red and thinking black, the grizzly bear began taking the living room apart. He pounded the matchbox into splinters, knocked over lamps, pulled pictures off the wall, threw rugs out of the broken window, swept vases and a clock off the mantelpiece, and overturned chairs and tables, growling and howling and roaring, shouting and bawling and cursing, until his wife was aroused from a deep dream of marrying a panda, neighbors appeared from blocks around, and the attractive female bears who had gone into hibernation began coming out of it to see what was going on.

The bear, deaf to the pleas of his mate, heedless of his neighbors’ advice, and unafraid of the police, kicked over whatever was still standing in the house, and went roaring away for good, taking the most attractive of the attractive female bears, one named Honey, with him.

MORAL: Nowadays most men lead lives of noisy desperation.

From Further Fables for Our Time by James Thurber (Illustrated by the Author) First published in Great Britain 1956, by Hamish Hamilton Ltd, 90 Great Russell Street London W.C.1.

9.11.2023 – you have to be there …

you have to be there …
to be there when the bread comes
out of the oven

Interesting that the feller who is supposed to have said this, you have to be there when the bread comes out of the oven, film maker Rene Clair, also said, “The film is ready, the shooting is all that remains to be done.

Maybe you have to be there when the bread comes out of the oven because all that remains to be done is to eat the bread.

Good to keep in mind as well that the bread only comes out of the oven once.

A microwave is quick and cheap but it isn’t fresh baked bread.

Maybe it was the clouds yesterday that put me in mind of bread out of the oven.

And you had to be there on Port Royal sound to see them.

You also had to look up.

9.10.2023 – and unwilling to

and unwilling to
witness permit slow undoing
of those human rights

On January 20, 1961, President John F. Kennedy delivered his inaugural address in a message that rings loud and clear for today.

The stunning difference is that President Kenney was speaking to the World at large when today I feel his call for Freedom needs to be heard here in America.

To that end, I am writing a series of Haiku based on that inaugural address.

Also anyone who follows this blog, knows that when I miss a few days, I will create a series of posts based on the same text to catch myself up to date.

This is one of those series.

If you really want to scare yourself or make yourself think in such a way as to scare yourself, read this speech and William Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar at the same time.

Today’s Haiku is taken from the passage (and yes I used to many words in the third line but my blog, my rules):

We dare not forget today that we are the heirs of that first revolution. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans–born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage–and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world.

Here is the complete text of from that address on January 20, 1961.

Vice President Johnson, Mr. Speaker, Mr. Chief Justice, President Eisenhower, Vice President Nixon, President Truman, Reverend Clergy, fellow citizens:

We observe today not a victory of party but a celebration of freedom–symbolizing an end as well as a beginning–signifying renewal as well as change. For I have sworn before you and Almighty God the same solemn oath our forbears prescribed nearly a century and three-quarters ago.

The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe–the belief that the rights of man come not from the generosity of the state but from the hand of God.

We dare not forget today that we are the heirs of that first revolution. Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans–born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage–and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed today at home and around the world.

Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.

This much we pledge–and more.

To those old allies whose cultural and spiritual origins we share, we pledge the loyalty of faithful friends. United there is little we cannot do in a host of cooperative ventures. Divided there is little we can do–for we dare not meet a powerful challenge at odds and split asunder.

To those new states whom we welcome to the ranks of the free, we pledge our word that one form of colonial control shall not have passed away merely to be replaced by a far more iron tyranny. We shall not always expect to find them supporting our view. But we shall always hope to find them strongly supporting their own freedom–and to remember that, in the past, those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside.

To those people in the huts and villages of half the globe struggling to break the bonds of mass misery, we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves, for whatever period is required–not because the communists may be doing it, not because we seek their votes, but because it is right. If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.

To our sister republics south of our border, we offer a special pledge–to convert our good words into good deeds–in a new alliance for progress–to assist free men and free governments in casting off the chains of poverty. But this peaceful revolution of hope cannot become the prey of hostile powers. Let all our neighbors know that we shall join with them to oppose aggression or subversion anywhere in the Americas. And let every other power know that this Hemisphere intends to remain the master of its own house.

To that world assembly of sovereign states, the United Nations, our last best hope in an age where the instruments of war have far outpaced the instruments of peace, we renew our pledge of support–to prevent it from becoming merely a forum for invective–to strengthen its shield of the new and the weak–and to enlarge the area in which its writ may run.

Finally, to those nations who would make themselves our adversary, we offer not a pledge but a request: that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self-destruction.

We dare not tempt them with weakness. For only when our arms are sufficient beyond doubt can we be certain beyond doubt that they will never be employed.

But neither can two great and powerful groups of nations take comfort from our present course–both sides overburdened by the cost of modern weapons, both rightly alarmed by the steady spread of the deadly atom, yet both racing to alter that uncertain balance of terror that stays the hand of mankind’s final war.

So let us begin anew–remembering on both sides that civility is not a sign of weakness, and sincerity is always subject to proof. Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.

Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us.

Let both sides, for the first time, formulate serious and precise proposals for the inspection and control of arms–and bring the absolute power to destroy other nations under the absolute control of all nations.

Let both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors. Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths and encourage the arts and commerce.

Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of Isaiah–to “undo the heavy burdens . . . (and) let the oppressed go free.”

And if a beachhead of cooperation may push back the jungle of suspicion, let both sides join in creating a new endeavor, not a new balance of power, but a new world of law, where the strong are just and the weak secure and the peace preserved.

All this will not be finished in the first one hundred days. Nor will it be finished in the first one thousand days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin.

In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than mine, will rest the final success or failure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimony to its national loyalty. The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe.

Now the trumpet summons us again–not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need–not as a call to battle, though embattled we are– but a call to bear the burden of a long twilight struggle, year in and year out, “rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation”–a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, disease and war itself.

Can we forge against these enemies a grand and global alliance, North and South, East and West, that can assure a more fruitful life for all mankind? Will you join in that historic effort?

In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility–I welcome it. I do not believe that any of us would exchange places with any other people or any other generation. The energy, the faith, the devotion which we bring to this endeavor will light our country and all who serve it–and the glow from that fire can truly light the world.

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you–ask what you can do for your country.

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.

Finally, whether you are citizens of America or citizens of the world, ask of us here the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God’s work must truly be our own.

Handwritten Draft by JFK of his inaugural address

9.9.2023 – not learn anything

not learn anything
got verification of
what already knew

I didn’t learn anything,” Lions head coach Dan Campbell said following his team’s 21-20 win over the Kansas City Chiefs. “I got verification of what I already knew.

As reported in the article in the Athletic, The Lions knew they could beat the Chiefs, and now a season tone has been set, By Colton Pouncy (Sep 8, 2023).

Is this the year for the Detroit Lions?

Is this the year for the Michigan Wolverines?

I would ask is this the year for the Creston Polar Bears, the Grand Rapids, Michigan, Polar Bears.

But they aren’t around any more.

Once I had to provide my High School Mascot as a security question on an account for something and when I said “Polar Bears” there was this long pause.

“I don’t think I ever heard that one before,” said the person on the phone.

I came later to football and most sports as a fan than most folks.

I really didn’t start to care until I was in High School.

But when I did become a fan, I became a fan!

In football I followed my high school, my favorite college and my favorite pro team.

My high school was the Creston Polar Bears, the team on the NORTH end of Grand Rapids.

It was known as the North End as all the street signs in the neighborhood had NE on them, though some clueless folks thought the NE stood for North East?

We knew those folks weren’t from around here.

For me, there was only one college football team.

Not that I didn’t have a choice, it was just that it was expected I would pick the best school, the one in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Otherwise, if you grew up in Michigan, you were a Detroit Lions fan.

You hated the Bears.

You hated the Vikings.

You hated Green Bay.

You laughed at Tampa Bay as there were latecomers and mostly a joke.

A joke with really cool Pirates on their helmets.

I would celebrate what I called THREE WIN WEEKENDS.

Any weekend when Creston, Michigan and Detroit all won their games.

It was problematic as Creston only played 9 times.

Then the start of the college and pro football season moved around.

But there were times when the planets aligned and it happened.

I got to thinking about it and I wondered, oh often did this happen.

Creston disappeared in 2012 so it can’t happen any more.

So I focused on the years I was in school.

I started in the fall of 1975 at Creston.

I finished in the Spring of 1984 in Ann Arbor after Grad School.

In those 9 fall seasons within that time span, Creston, Michigan and Detroit all played on the same weekend (Friday, Saturday and Sunday), 89 times.

In those 89 weekends, I celebrated a three win weekend, 8 times. (Click link for game by game comparison)

That’s it.

8 times.

Happy to report there were no three loss weekends.

But there were some awful misses that I remember to this day.

On October 27, 1978, Creston and Catholic Central played to a 21-21 tie and later that weekend, Michigan won the Brown Jug and Detroit beat the Bears.

In 1980 Creston and Detroit had back to back wins and Michigan lost to ND on a 51 yard kick to end the game and then the next week, still in shock, lost to South Carolina.

In 1982, there were a couple other chances, but Detroit and the NFL went on strike.

8 times in 89 games.

I continued to watch for these weekends after college and I remember one of my brothers teased me during the Rich Rod era that Michigan had become the weak link.

Then in 2008-2009, the Lions won just 2 games.

And now my high school is gone.

But the Lions look good.

Michigan looks good.

I think both teams ARE good.

But know what?

It doesn’t matter as they are my teams, win or lose.

Still, it sure does feel good to feel good.

And what have I learned from watching three games so far this season?

Nothing!

I got verification of what I already knew.