complications of
envenomization from …
a gila monster

I joke that I grew up in a family where I was told that Woody Hayes, the evil football coach at Ohio State, was under my bed and if I got up in the middle of the night, Woody would grab me and take me to Columbus.

That isn’t exactly true.

I was never told anything was under my bed when I was a kid.

I knew.

Gila Monsters were under my bed.

I knew Gila Monsters were under my bed and if I got out, they would get me.

For some reason, when I was growing up, the scariest thing for me in all of nature (after that thing on the wing in the Twilight Zone) were Gila Monsters.

And I have no idea why.

But I have an theory, an idea.

The reason I was scared of Gila Monsters was the TV show, The Wonderful World of Color from Walt Disney Studios.

It was on TV every Sunday night back in the day when 1) church started at 7PM and us little kids got to stay home (there was much politicking amongst my older brothers and sisters to ‘babysit’ and get of going to church) and 2) there were only three TV channels so we always, always watched The Wonderful World of Color.

“Color is on” or “It’s time for color!” we would yell and for the next hour, Mr. Disney would take us all over the world with shows about the Vienna Boys Choir or back in time with Davy Crockett.

One the regular stops would be the Natural World as amateur filmmakers around the world, the people who had the patience to film a prairie dog farm or make stop action films of flowers blooming, would send their film clips to Disney and Disney would crop all these clips together, add music and captivating narration and The Living Desert came to life on our TVs.

One Living Desert episode had a short segment on the Gila Monster and the video was so scary it was burned in my brain.

The even paced, deep narration emphasized the awfulness of the Gila Monster and the terribleness of being bit by one.

I doubt I slept that night as somehow I knew, there were Gila Monsters under my bed.

The were probably every where.

The next day at Crestview Elementary in Grand Rapids, where I went school, what was the major topic of conversation?

Monday morning in the hallways at school, at recess and in class we all talked about Gila Monsters.

Because there were only three channels, everyone in my class watched the same show.

Out on the play ground, We all looked for likely places Gila Monsters could be hiding.

I wouldn’t go in the concrete barrels on the playground for weeks and never ever felt comfortable playing in the sandbox.

Those of us who could talk with authority on the subject (anyone who might have been to the Southwest United States or someone whose Dad might have been the desert) would assert that there was no more terrible way to die than to die from a Gila Monster bite.

These shows would get repeated and the conversations would be repeated and over the years it was Gila Monster dread that kept me from walks in the woods or from turning over rocks.

The funny part is that I don’t know that it was unique to me or my school but, much like Davy Crockett, it may have a national phenomena as Gila Monsters even got featured in a Charlie Brown comic strip in 1966.

Gila Monster Phobia doesn’t turn up in the google but …

Today in the New York Times was the article, “Colorado Man Died From Venomous Gila Monster Bite, Autopsy Confirms” By Aimee Ortiz.

Ms. Ortiz writes that: Mr. Ward endured a four-minute-long bite by the lizard to his right hand on the night of Feb. 12, the report said. He lapsed in and out of consciousness for about two hours before seeking medical attention, the report said.

Paramedics found Mr. Ward in a bed, minimally responsive and “in apparent severe distress,” the report said. He was taken to a hospital, where he was put on life support and “continued to decline throughout his hospitalization.”

“Minimally responsive and “in apparent severe distress” sounds pretty bad to me.

“Continued to decline throughout his hospitalization.” sounds even worse.

It was all my nightmares come true.

Then I read:

Kevin Torregrosa, the curator of herpetology at the Bronx Zoo, said that it’s rare to be bitten by a Gila monster and that “it’s also incredibly rare to die from one.”

“This is certainly the first one that I have firsthand knowledge of in my career,” he said on Saturday.

The Associated Press reported that it was believed to be the first death from a Gila monster bite in the United States in almost a century.

It was believed to be the first death from a Gila monster bite in the United States in almost a century.

Oh.

Well, that’s because I stayed in bed.