8.5.2020 – wooden planks, wet wood

wooden planks, wet wood
wet sand, plastic mat, hot sand
walking to the beach

I walked out to the beach the other day.

My bare feet started on wooden planks with the thumb thumb thumb sound of feet on wood.

Further along, I came to the faucets for spraying sand off your feet when you are going the other way.

My bare feet felt the unsure slipperiness of wet wood.

Further along, the wet sand on the wooden deck stuck to me feet and there was the kind of a ‘give’ to my steps and the wet sand crunched under my feet.

Further along, I stepped on to the blue plastic beach mat that led out to the beach.

The plastic poked at my feet and the sand was loose on the plastic screen.

On to the sand.

White and soft.

Hot and hotter.

Footprints on footprints.

I could not pick out my trail if I looked back at the path behind me.

The loose hot sand changed to hot hard packed sand of the tidal beach.

It was hot on my feet.

Hot on my feet all the way.

Hot on my feet all the way down to the ocean.

As much as the experience of different tastes during a meal, the experience of different surfaces under my feet.

Taking that path.

To the beach.

8.4.2020 – one day I became

one day I became 

footnote in someone’s life, glimpse 

of path not taken? I looked up a guy I know the other day. I never met him but I know him. I know who he is. And I know what he does. I wondered how he was doing. I fed his name into the Google. I found him. I found him on a page celebrating his retirement! The page listed all the wonderful things he had done. The page listed all the wonderful accomplishments in his career. The page listed all of the wonderful people he had helped and worked with in his career. The page listed all the wonderful people on the personal side of his life. The page listed the wonderful things his friends and coworkers said about the him. He really had a wonderful life. For me, the key line in the account of his life was the line that stated: “In 1986, he beat out 35 other applicants nationwide for the position of Senior Research Associate at the National Baseball Library.” That was where I came into his life. That was me. Or at least, I was one of the 35 other applicants nationwide for the position of Senior Research Associate. I had even made it to the interview stage. Spent the day in Cooperstown. Met everyone and saw everything including the basement with laundry baskets of baseballs in zip lock bags with labels that said, “Whitey Ford – No Hitter” and “Willie Mays, 600th HR”. When I left, the Director shook my hand and said, “I can’t off you the job but I am penciling you into the lineup.” Two weeks later I got a letter telling me I was one of 35 other unsuccessful applicants nationwide for the position of Senior Research Associate. He became the Senior Research Associate. I became an unnamed footnote in this guy’s wonderful life. I had to wonder how my life would have turned out had I been the one to beat the other 35 other applicants nationwide for the position of Senior Research Associate? I had to wonder if his wonderful life was a glimpse of my path not taken. Wonder as I might, I know that it was not true. This was a NOT path not taken, but a path not even offered. The path came to end when I was became one of 35 other unsuccessful applicants nationwide for the position of Senior Research Associate. I was on my path. I am on my path. I don’t wonder. I have a wonderful life. And that guy? He didn’t even make into my footnotes.

8.3.2020 – always when I wake

always when I wake
mind struggles, unsuccessful
discover where am

In Book One, Swann’s Way of Remembrance of Things Past, Marcel Proust writes;

Perhaps the immobility of the things that surround us is forced upon by our conviction that they are themselves, and not anything else, and by the immobility of our conceptions of them.

For it always happened that when I awoke like this , and my mind struggled in an unsuccessful attempt to discover where I was, everything would be moving around me through the darkness: things, places, years.

Everything would be moving around me

Through the darkness:

Things,

Places,

Years.

Seems to me that Mr. Proust lived through a Covid 19 multi month at home self pseudo quarantine.

The immobility of our conceptions.

What happened today, happened yesterday and will happen tomorrow.

More the question, will it ever end.

How can it really be August?

8.2.2020 – more of us valued

more of us valued
food, cheer and song above gold
be merrier world

Adapted from the last words of Thorin Oakenshield, Son of Thráin II, Grandson of Thrór, King under the Mountain as recorded the book, The Hobbit or There and Back Again by John Ronald Reuel Tolkien and not in the movie of somewhat the same name.

Dictionary.com defines merrier as “full of cheerfulness or gaiety; joyous in disposition or spirit.”

I’ll hold with that.

Neither here nor there but I wonder if anyone who ever read The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings will attempt to make a movie based on the books?

8.1.2020 – that it will never

that it will never come again is what makes life so sweet, bearable

A complete re purposing of the poem, That it will never come again, by Emily Dickinson. That it will never come again Is what makes life so sweet. Believing what we don’t believe Does not exhilarate. That if it be, it be at best An ablative estate — This instigates an appetite Precisely opposite. Not really sure what a lot of this means. Read a lot of postings online about what Ms. Dickinson means by An Ablative Estate. For me, I felt it came from the Latin term, Ablative Absolute, which for those us who have READ (not watched) the Hornblower Series by CS Forester when young Hornblower is interviewed by his the Captain of the ship when he is posted as a midshipman and the Captain say, “We have no use for Ablative Absolutes in the Navy,” but I digress. An online description for the Latin Ablative Absolute states, : One of the most common uses of present and perfect participles in Latin is a construction called the Ablative Absolute, “The ablatives of a participle and a noun (or pronoun) are used to form a substitute for a subordinate clause defining the circumstances or situation in which the action of the main verb occurs. The ablatives are only loosely connected grammatically to the remainder of the sentence, hence its name absolute (absolūtus = free or unconnected).” I focus on the last absolute (absolūtus = free or unconnected) and I feel that is where Ms. Dickinson was going. Believing what we don’t believe Does not exhilarate. That if it be, it be at best A free or unconnected state. Still, life, in a free unconnected state, is short and never comes again. So life is sweet. Life is also bearable. And with help from Alicia Keys, its nothing without you.